Seeing those two pink lines on a pregnancy test came as a bit of a shock and I don't know why - but I haven't been able to pour myself into much of anything. Except napping. I have become very passionate about that.
Truth is... I have been feeling a little anxiety and worry over the next oh, 18 years. And 7 months. I mean, I've never been a MOM before. I've never even had a younger sibling to take care of. I was always the youngest child... and then out of college I didn't get married, but i worked. I was a writer, I edited, I did public relations, I wore blazers, I got a cubicle, I went on business trips. And was very independent. But then life changed. And it was good...but it was different.
And now life is changing once again. And soon I will be a full time mom. And I get that I will still work. There will be diapers and feedings and cleaning and it will be hard...but it will be different than the work I do now. It just will.
I won't be going into an office. I won't have pretty file folders and post its and a labeler that is my very own. I won't start my day with email. I won't have to order toner or plan any meetings. They are small things. But I will miss them.
So yeah, I feel like I am in this state of almost grieving the loss of one season of life but also excited for this new little person that God is knitting together...but still, there's the fear. The fear I will lose my identity. The fear that my identity is misplaced to begin with. My true identity is in Christ. I can't forget that.
All of life is sacred. All of life has value. From coordinating camps to changing diapers to sitting at a desk to making dinner. We can do all those things in a way that glorifies the Lord. And everything we do should be for the glory of Christ.
So yeah, that's where I am at. I haven't figured it all out yet. But writing really does help me get my thoughts out there.
Anyways, here's where I hope to be sometime soon. A woman clothes herself in strength who "Laughs without fear of the future" I am not there yet...but hopefully God will help me get there:)
