Running!

This week I've really tried to start working on my health. I sporadically do this throughout the year, lose a few pounds, run a few miles and then life gets crazy and I fall of the wagon for a bit.

I follow a lot of fitness instagram accounts - I am nerdy like that but there are thousands of mamas trying to lose weight out there and get in shape! So inspiring. My two favorite accounts are Livylovestorun and mollyrunsforlife. For awhile now I've wanted to do a 5k - so I've been doing to couch to 5k training program.

Well a few ladies are trying to run 100 miles this month. WOW. That just isn't me yet but on March 10 I decided maybe I could shoot for 50 miles...and I am 17 miles in! Now I will say I am SLOW. Like it basically takes me an hour to run 3.2 miles which is a 5k....but hey, we all start somewhere.

It's spring break this week so Josh and I aren't at church on Wednesday and Thursday nights so I felt like I have had more time to be active. I am realizing that it's really hard to balance fitness goals, time with jesus, ministry, family, meals, work, a clean house and a small business. In this season I just can't do EVERYTHING well, hence this blog is not full of perfectly photoshopped images of my home....but it is documenting the real life daily struggles and thoughts so I am learning to be ok with that. It's ok if no one wants to pin your stuff::)

Redeeming my blog

Well it's been awhile:) I am sitting here as Lila naps and have had some posts going thru my head for a few weeks/months now. About blogging. About social media. About community. And shoot, about how much I love home decor and writing and the whole little community of creative people on the internet.

Let me start with why I've been hesitant to blog and why I second guess my instagrams and facebook statuses and I can't even log in to twitter. Comparison.

This is not a new thing. I've been a part of a lot of conversations with friends about how this is a fairly universal struggle.  I don't want to make people struggle. I don't want them to think my marriage is perfect, my budget is endless and my life is adorable. It's not. My husband and I fight, I have been known to wash out my ziploc bags to save money and 98 percent of the time - my house is a mess. Blogging and instagram tend to put a perfectly photo shopped picture or pretty filter on the monotony of life.

HOWEVER. I still think MANY people are gifted in certain areas and social media is an amazing outlet to grow their gifts. In our church there is a saying that some of the pastors use - "You can REJECT something, you can RECEIVE something or you can REDEEM something"

 Now with social media - I know many have chosen to reject it. They have deleted facebook -taken Pinterest off their phones, etc. I get it. I get the struggle and I think it's totally fine. For some people.

I also know people (including myself at times) who have received it as well. They post tons of "selfies", care way too much about how many likes they get and rather than live in a moment they see it thru the eyes of instagram and it seems like they live it - only so that other can see them doing so. It can seem kind of braggy. This tends to drive me crazy.

And then there are those that redeem it. They encourage people, they use their gifts the Lord has given them and use social media to help grow those gifts.

I think I've done all three of these things. I know sometimes I reject it, am totally guilty of receiving it and sometimes I hope that my presence on social media has a redemptive quality to it.

Anyways, I'd like to start writing more. Its complicated and messy this social media thing. You don't want to brag about anything but you also don't want your "realness" to come in the form of sinful complaining. I am sure I'll swing to both sides of the pendulum. I am sure I already do! However, there are so many bloggers out there who seem to do it "right" and I am really encouraged by them.

So heres my first attempt at more consistently writing:) Not sure where this blog will take me or who will read it - but just trying to get some things written down!

Changing of the seasons

If I can figure out how to upload a youtube video I would like to share one of my favorite songs of all time. I don't listen to it everyday but in different stages of life it has played a big role in my life. 

I listened to it non stop the summer of 2003 when I was living in Virginia Beach with Campus Crusade - spending one whole amazing and scary summer in a place where I knew no one. I listened to it during that first summer after graduating college where I was single, living at home, had moved away from the college town where my friends and church were...oh and I was a professional gift wrapper at Macy's wondering what in the heck I was doing with my life (I still love wrapping gifts to this day though). 

I listened to it a few years later when I packed up my room to move into the house Josh and I had bought just before we got married. And last summer I listened to it when I was leaving the full time working world I had known for 8 years, the job I had had for four years to take care of the tiny mini human growing inside of me. 

One of my favorite metaphors for life is seasons. I know I am bringing out the cheese here but this song describes how God's seasons represent different seasons in our life. Seasons without a husband, seasons with JUST a husband, seasons with a newborn, seasons of money, seasons of $5 date nights at Costco, seasons of living in a house, seeing fruit in ministry, not seeing fruit in ministry, friendships, etc.

Two days ago Lila turned 11 months. She is smiling, and clapping, making faces and blowing kisses. At night when I take her into her room she immediately lays her head on my chest and lets me rock her before I put her down. 

I do not want this season to end. But it will. 

Earlier this week a mom stopped by my house to pick up a little vintage treasure for her daughter moving to Texas for college and my heart ached for this mom. Another mom, told me about how sad she was that her kids were going back to school... and my heart ached for this mom. Another mom, expressed sadness over moving from the house she brought her babies home to...and yep, you guessed it, my heart ached.

But then I thought of little Lila. A year ago, I was so sad to be leaving my job and our life with no kids and so much freedom - but the next season brought Lila and our hearts grew fuller than I knew was possible. 

And I thought about the mom with the college girl ...and how much I LOVED college and how exciting that time is for a girl. Choosing a career, decorating a dorm room, making friends, road trips, late night chats with the girls in your hall. 

And I thought about my friend with the kids in school and how fun the school year can be...

And I thought about moving and how hard it is to leave a place - but in the end it is just a place and this world is not our home.  

And in all of this I am reminded to be thankful for God's past faithfulness - because of that we have hope in the future. 

I am not good at wrapping up a post, so I'll just write some of my favorite lyrics from the song. 

"Still I notice you when change begins and I am braced for colder winds - I will offer thanks for what has been and what is to come....And everything in time and under Heaven, finally falls asleep. Wrapped in blankets white, all creation, shivers underneath. still I notice you when branches crack and in my breath on frosted glass - even now in death you open doors for life to enter. You are winter....what was frozen thru is newly purposed ..so it is with you and how you make me new with every seasons change..."

Not the best pic of makeup-less mama here...but this seems to capture the sweetness of the past 11 months:)

Back at it.

Wow. It has been a long time since I have blogged. Life is crazy right now, but I think it's good to document the craziness. Writing is great outlet for me to do this and lately I have been learning so much. Rather than catch everyone up on the last few months let me just sum it up for you.

1. I was pregnant
2. It was HOT
3. I had a baby
4. We have been so blessed with amazing family/friends
5. Our baby is cute, but she is not perfect - I am learning that's ok.

So we are in the midst of a huge life change right now. We welcomed Lila Jane into our world on September 7th. Actually, we welcomed her on December 28th 2011 when I stopped at Walgreens on the way to work to pick up one of "those" tests. Then, as luck would have it I had to go back home to get something so I did not actually take the pregnancy test AT work - but at home - where it was freaking positive. I called Josh right away. We weren't necessarily trying, but we were ok if it happened. And it happened FAST.  And then I had to give up wine, soft cheese, hot yoga, regular pants, comfortable sleeping and then eventually my job.

So here we are in September and the baby is here and I am still not back in regular pants or doing hot yoga or sleeping - and last week when we thought we'd sneak out for a date night (and some wine?) well Lila cried the whole night and it didn't happen.

Yesterday a dear friend came to drop off some DVDs for me to watch as I breastfeed. So sweet. She was wearing a pencil skirt and cute shoes and had just got off work. She had gone to Starbucks that day. What a career woman. And I thought back a few years when I was doing PR and had business trips, was 30 pounds thinner and I wore cute pants from Banana Republic and had a whole collection of pointy toed heels (they were said to be slimming). And I kind of longed for that life again. Instead I was in sweatpants and a nursing tank and I had a messy house.

I can't really wrap up all these thoughts in a bow. God didn't teach me some amazing lesson and here I am 24 hours later content and smiling. It's a struggle. We were up till 3 am with a crying baby. And a crying mama. We are in a new season of life and I have to figure out life in this season. I have to figure out God's purpose for THIS season. Because it's here. In my face.

What gifts and talents has God given me that he wants me to use in this season? It seems like in each season God brings out your gifts and talents differently. Six months ago, I might have used my talent of writing to write an email. Now, I use it to update a blog. My gift of compassion will come thru when my baby is hurting at 2 am and I want to make her feel better. It's never been used in that way before. So in one sense I am looking forward to seeing where God takes me in THIS season, but it's hard not to look back at past seasons and wish I was there.

So I will remind myself of this TRUTH...

"Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead,  press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. Phil 3:12-14" 

And here is our little muffin Lila. 

Precious. 

Where I've been

Well hello long neglected blog. I feel like the lamest blogger and crafter in the world, but I think for the last 6 weeks I have been in a frozen state. Most of you know about this...

Seeing those two pink lines on a pregnancy test came as a bit of a shock and I don't know why - but I haven't been able to pour myself into much of anything. Except napping. I have become very passionate about that.

Truth is... I have been feeling a little anxiety and worry over the next oh, 18 years. And 7 months. I mean, I've never been a MOM before. I've never even had a younger sibling to take care of. I was always the youngest child... and then out of college I didn't get married, but i worked. I was a writer, I edited, I did public relations, I wore blazers, I got a cubicle, I went on business trips. And was very independent. But then life changed. And it was good...but it was different.

And now life is changing once again. And soon I will be a full time mom. And I get that I will still work. There will be diapers and feedings and cleaning and it will be hard...but it will be different than the work I do now. It just will.

I won't be going into an office. I won't have pretty file folders and post its and a labeler that is my very own. I won't start my day with email. I won't have to order toner or plan any meetings. They are small things. But I will miss them.

So yeah, I feel like I am in this state of almost grieving the loss of one season of life but also excited for this new little person that God is knitting together...but still, there's the fear. The fear I will lose my identity. The fear that my identity is misplaced to begin with. My true identity is in Christ. I can't forget that.

All of life is sacred. All of life has value. From coordinating camps to changing diapers to sitting at a desk to making dinner. We can do all those things in a way that glorifies the Lord. And everything we do should be for the glory of Christ.

So yeah, that's where I am at. I haven't figured it all out yet. But writing really does help me get my thoughts out there.

Anyways, here's where I hope to be sometime soon. A woman clothes herself in strength who "Laughs without fear of the future" I am not there yet...but hopefully God will help me get there:)

Weekend update:)

We had a great weekend gearing up for Christmas!! Here are a few highlights:) (courtesy of Josh's iphone)





It's not Christmas without some crafts. I found teal yarn and was inspired to make some trees. I kind love them. I might just start wrapping my whole house in yarn and lace.



We had our annual cookie bake with the women in my family! Been doing this since I was in junior high:) I made a yummy recipe from Pinterest! (chocolate chip cookies with corn starch in them...whaa?? But it was good. Promise).



Here is me posing with Rudolph on what was one of my favorite dates ever! We went to Liberty Market for dinner and then walked around Cherry Lane - which is a street near us that goes ALL OUT for Christmas. They had carolers and one backyard was set up as Bethlehem. It was so beautiful!



So love this season and all that comes with it!

Craft time: Sheet Music Garland

Awhile back I found some old music at a thrift store for well, super cheap. Like 5 cents cheap. Now, I do love Goodwill but I never have good luck there when I look for old sheet music. I actually talked to a manager about it and asked him why they didn't have any. He said when it comes in they sometimes throw it away because they didn't think people wanted it. I told him it was very trendy and they should keep it and sell it! I think he thought I was crazy but oh well. Goodwill needs to be informed.

So until they get sheet music I will get it from my second fave thrift store, Gracie's in Tempe. I have been seeing adorable garlands in blogland and I wanted to get in on the garland action. Which is a phrase you probably don't hear a lot.

I got together my sheet music and hot glue and got to work.

Now, I was struggling a bit with how to get words in the center. I started hand embroidering words so I could spell out "O Holy Night" I think I got as far as "O Ho" before I was like... this is WAY to much work. Coley from Junk in the Trunk informed me she used stamps ...and well, I hadn't thought of that before. I had visions on the stamps from the 90s that had like grapevines and weird bouquets. But I went to Micheal's' with my 40 percent off coupon and found some ridiculous stamps that I liked very much. They were like $5 with my coupon! It was awesome.

So I got to stamping an folding an gluin. Which kind of sound like that song wishin and hopin but for crafty people.

I cut circle of burlap for the center and then cut circles of off white paper for the center. I stamped the word joy and hot glue the circles to the twine. It looks kind of ghetto from the back but I don't know how to make it look better, so I just went with it. I made three of them and put them in my tree and they look pretty adorbs if I do say so myself;)

Sorry for the poor picture quality here..hard for me to get a good shot of the whole tree.

And really the banner options are endless. Happy Birthday, Believe, Faith, Hope, Love, Peace....basically any fruit of the spirit. So - if your dreams of being the next Mozart have failed you and all your left with is sheet music - you can be the next Mozart of the crafting world! Tear up your music and get to work.