Back at it.

Wednesday, September 26, 2012

Wow. It has been a long time since I have blogged. Life is crazy right now, but I think it's good to document the craziness. Writing is great outlet for me to do this and lately I have been learning so much. Rather than catch everyone up on the last few months let me just sum it up for you.

1. I was pregnant
2. It was HOT
3. I had a baby
4. We have been so blessed with amazing family/friends
5. Our baby is cute, but she is not perfect - I am learning that's ok.

So we are in the midst of a huge life change right now. We welcomed Lila Jane into our world on September 7th. Actually, we welcomed her on December 28th 2011 when I stopped at Walgreens on the way to work to pick up one of "those" tests. Then, as luck would have it I had to go back home to get something so I did not actually take the pregnancy test AT work - but at home - where it was freaking positive. I called Josh right away. We weren't necessarily trying, but we were ok if it happened. And it happened FAST.  And then I had to give up wine, soft cheese, hot yoga, regular pants, comfortable sleeping and then eventually my job.

So here we are in September and the baby is here and I am still not back in regular pants or doing hot yoga or sleeping - and last week when we thought we'd sneak out for a date night (and some wine?) well Lila cried the whole night and it didn't happen.

Yesterday a dear friend came to drop off some DVDs for me to watch as I breastfeed. So sweet. She was wearing a pencil skirt and cute shoes and had just got off work. She had gone to Starbucks that day. What a career woman. And I thought back a few years when I was doing PR and had business trips, was 30 pounds thinner and I wore cute pants from Banana Republic and had a whole collection of pointy toed heels (they were said to be slimming). And I kind of longed for that life again. Instead I was in sweatpants and a nursing tank and I had a messy house.

I can't really wrap up all these thoughts in a bow. God didn't teach me some amazing lesson and here I am 24 hours later content and smiling. It's a struggle. We were up till 3 am with a crying baby. And a crying mama. We are in a new season of life and I have to figure out life in this season. I have to figure out God's purpose for THIS season. Because it's here. In my face.

What gifts and talents has God given me that he wants me to use in this season? It seems like in each season God brings out your gifts and talents differently. Six months ago, I might have used my talent of writing to write an email. Now, I use it to update a blog. My gift of compassion will come thru when my baby is hurting at 2 am and I want to make her feel better. It's never been used in that way before. So in one sense I am looking forward to seeing where God takes me in THIS season, but it's hard not to look back at past seasons and wish I was there.

So I will remind myself of this TRUTH...

"Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead,  press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. Phil 3:12-14" 

And here is our little muffin Lila. 


jen said...

I'm going to pretend you started blogging today because of how much you love me and my obsessive asking you about your blog. ;)

lindsey, I'm proud of you.
proud that you're adorably honest.
proud that you're not perfect but you're trying to live as open handedly as possible.

and you'll wear those cute pointy shoes again.
not because you have to, but because you can. :)

Scott and Sarah Nichols said...

I am so happy you are back to blogging! You have such a gift. On that note, hang in there. It does get better. I remember thinking after I had Nathan that I couldn't imagine why anyone would want to have another child because it was so hard and so far out of my realm of experience. I still mourn (if you will) the loss of my professional life. There are days where that seems like a different lifetime ago. I miss adult conversation, having a reason to buy nice clothes, and knowing what I'm doing. I get jealous when my husband goes to work everyday and tells me about his day. Heck, I'm jealous he gets to sit in an office completely alone. Motherhood is by far the most difficult and challenging thing I have ever experienced. And there are no vacation days or sick days. However, God gives us the strength we need to make it through each day and to influence these little lives for Him. Your sweet little Lila is so blessed to have you for her mommy. I have this verse posted in my living room as a daily reminder (because sometimes I really do have to remind myself of this) "Children are a gift from God, they are a reward from Him." Psalm 127:3. Sorry this comment is so long! Praying for you in this new season of life.

Rachel Olimb said...

I love this Lindsey. I love that you're back. I love that you know that you have a compassionate heart. And, I love that one day you will be the friend with DVD's in your hand sharing love with a new mommy because of what you've been through. It's perfect.

It's a tough season and transition right now, Lindsey. Some days you just have to focus on making it through the next hour, and if that's too much bump it down to 15 mins :). I know it's hard to imagine now, but you will start getting glimpses of a little more freedom in a few months. Please know we would LOVE to babysit anytime :). I have a feeling I would be fighting against a lot of family though, ha! But, we're here!

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